Got a call from Dr R's office last night to confirm an appointment. Not sure who this doctor is, I didn't make the appointment. Good thing for Google. I found out he's a PhD and an oncology surgeon. Vanderbilt, MD Anderson, used to teach at Florida State, but this Gator won't hold that against him. My primary Dr made the appointment, I guess she's concerned enough to not even wait for the biopsy to be performed before setting things in motion. In some ways it's a relief, I have no idea what the next step is or how to find a good doctor in this circumstance. In another way I feel like it is out of my control. Do I even need a surgeon? Isn't this premature?
Mom and Dad are staying with me. They come down regularly, but I've been a bad hostess and make them sleep on the couch (hide-a-bed). I start to wonder about giving up the exercise room and making it a guest room. Briefly. Again, it's too early to think about right?
I went into work, but had to leave early as they called to move the appointment up. I think people at work know something is up, but they're not sure what. I have never had to take so much time to deal with health issues. I am also worried about the work I'm supposed to be doing on the edits for this publication. My professor has had a death in the family, I can't ask her to take over. I'm not sure I can do it though. I've tried, but as much as I pretend my concentration is less than perfect. Oh well, one step at a time. First thing, get a needle pushed half way through my left breast.
So Mom
and Dad go with me to the biopsy. Yeah for Dad, I'm pretty sure he's the
only man at the breast center. I may be wrong, but I got the impression
that the receptionist thought I was there to support Mom, not the other
way around. The staff at the breast clinic are great. The radiologist is a bit odd, but tries to be reassuring and takes an interest in Mom's health. Dad stays in the waiting room as we talk about the procedure. Neither of them get to be with me during the biopsy, but that is probably for the best. That would have just be weird.
I would not recommend a core needle biopsy with a 20 gauge needle. It was a tad uncomfortable, but they were very good at using more local anesthesia when I noted it was a little painful. Maybe I've been working at METC too long, but I was fascinated to watch. They turned the screen so I could watch along while they did the biopsy. Somehow it was somewhat reassuring to be able to see. They talked me through everything. As strange as it sounds I was grateful. I felt slightly detached, like watching the Discovery Channel. He took six samples and put in a MammoMARK site identifier. They did one last mammogram to ensure its placement before I got to go. I don't think that my left breast will ever be the same and wonder about getting a tattoo to cover that biopsy scar.
Yes that's a bit more denial rearing its head, but I deal the only way I know how. I hate waiting. Results should be in on Tuesday, and I do not want tell anyone what is going on in the mean while. Just in case, it could all still be a mistake. However I did talk to HR as a heads up, just in case. We recently lost one of our own due to leukemia, and it is in my mind that he may have pushed himself too hard too soon. But then that was him, his situation was different. I don't even know what my situation is yet. I hate waiting. I want a plan. I can handle whatever right, but how can I handle it if I don't even know what it is?
I send my edits in to my professor and an apology. I know she is going through a hard time and I feel like I've let her down. I don't feel confident in all my edits, but I know it's not going to get better and I tell her what is going on. I shouldn't have worried. Sometimes support comes when it is most needed and in the most unexpected ways.
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