Tried to work on the dissertation over the weekend. I'm afraid my concentration was a bit lacking, but did make some good headway. I think the Literature Review is done, just need to get that Methodology section worked out. Why is that every time I read another research paper on the Delphi process I end up rewriting half my chapter 3? The pros and cons of choosing a flexible research method, you can modify it to do what you want with it, but no one agrees on how to do it. Feel like making a chart and throwing darts: means, standard deviation, inter-quartile range, median, k value? Is it possible to find two Delphi studies that agree? Some day I have to stop writing and actually get the proposal submitted. I'm afraid if I don't do it soon it may never happen.
It's been hard to sit around and wait for test results. I still don't want to say anything to anyone just in case it's all a big mistake. I mean really, it has to be. Mom and Dad are still with me and will be going to all my appointments. I have also told my boss as I know her support is going to be important both personally and professionally. I tried to call my primary care doctor on Feb 12th, when the results were supposed to be in, but we kept missing each other. It may be better that I didn't hear them over the phone. I am certainly glad I didn't hear them while I was at work.
Today has been a busy day. Ended up at North Central Baptist for most of the day. So much information, glad Dad had a note pad and took good notes. Met with the oncology surgeon (Dr R), and a nurse navigator (AK), and a genetics counselor (KC). Obviously it would have been a much shorter visit had the pathology report been negative. Still it was nearly as positively negative as it could probably be. It is invasive ductal carcinoma, large but slow growing. It is rare to have it so young but we have time to form a plan of action. It's been there for a while, possibly months before I ever felt or noticed anything. He classifies it as grade 2 (out of 3) meaning that the tumor cells are moderately-differentiated. (Yup that cleared it up for me too.) The pathology report is HER2 negative, so it is not estrogen driven and that backs up the idea that its a slow grower. Since I do not know my family history it is decided that I will get the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genetic test done. The result will help determine what I decide to do surgically. There are options and decisions to make. I will have to have chemo, but do I do that before surgery or after? Lumpectomy and radiation or mastectomy and reconstruction? Oh, and do I want to freeze my eggs? Say what? Wow, now I have pretty much given up on the idea of ever having children, but the option was always there. Or so I thought. Now that one threw me a bit, but no, no egg harvest necessary. Will need to have an MRI done on both breast and lymph-nodes so we get that appointment set up for Saturday. Yup, don't even get the weekend off.
So now what. No more denial, but still in search of a plan and answers. Am leaning towards chemo first, then seeing what our options are surgically. Surgeon is good with that, but I must talk to oncologist first. Will I be able to work? Continue working on the dissertation? I knew I liked my surgeon when he said if anything had to go it should be work, don't stop the dissertation (he's also a PhD). Cancer, dissertation, work, in that order. Got it. Oh yeah, and don't get over-stressed.
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