Ah it's Nothing - right?

There are moments in life that make us stop and wonder what if. They may seem little at the time, and yet somewhere in the back of our head we know we aren't paying proper attention. Several months ago I walked into the corner of a wall and thought I'd bruised my left breast. Not a big deal, I'm a klutz, I was tired. But it hurt a little too much, and why was my nipple inverted? That's just strange. While at 40 I did not believe I was invulnerable, it was still nothing to worry about. Right? It would go away. Hmm that part of my breast feels a little strange, and it's still tender weeks after, maybe it's some sort of fibrous mass.  I had an annual physical coming up and if it was still an issue I would have my doctor look at it.

I took the day off of work. I had several appointments: got my eyes checked (yup still have terrible vision) and then my annual exam. Did I mention I work for the Medical Education and Training Campus at Ft Sam Houston, Texas? I’m not a doctor or medic, or clinician, but a Learning Systems Developer, trying to do my best to support the young and women in uniform who come through our school to learn skills which save lives. I am also an online a doctoral student at the University of Florida pursuing an Ed.D. in Education Technology. At this point I was trying to finish my literature review and methodology chapters for my dissertation. The sooner I could get my proposal approved and defended the sooner I could do the research and graduate. My research, which needed to tie into what I do for a living as this is a professional practice doctorate, was to be on The Future of Simulations in Medical Education and Training in Community and Technical Colleges: A Modified Delphi Study Identifying Their Instructional and Technical Feasibility. (Or at least that was the working title at this time, but more on that later.) Oh yeah, and those peer review edits came in on Feb 3rd for that paper I wrote with one of my professors. I needed to get those done so we can get that published. Honestly, at this time my energy was on other things besides my health.

My physical was nearly done, vitals all good, and did I have any concerns? Moment of truth. There was still a big part of me that said it was nothing, but I wanted her to take a look at my breast. There was something odd going on there.

It did not take her long to see and then feel there was something wrong. Yes, out loud, she said it; there is a lump in my breast.  She wrote me a referral for the breast clinic upstairs to get a mammogram. They may also do an ultra sound she told me as mammograms sometimes have a hard time with more dense younger breasts. Still, it’s just a precaution. I’m sure it’s nothing.