The Support Begins

Dr R has given me and my parents a lot of information. But he takes the time to answer our questions and I feel very comfortable and confident in his knowledge and abilities. He asks if I have met my nurse navigator and when I say no pulls out his cell phone and makes a call. On the floor above is the Baptist Breast center. It is there that my nurse navigator, genetic counselor, and support groups will be. Today I meet AK my nurse navigator and KC my genetics counselor. They were both wonderful. AK went over a lot of information about what to expect, things I may want to try (cut the hair short), a grocery list, and just overall put me at ease as much as it was possible. She will be there the entire way, helping me well, navigate through the chaos. I feel like I'm back on automatic, as if it is all happening to someone else. But I know my life has just changed, the trick is to get a plan in place. I need to feel as if I have some control even if it is an illusion. She tells me it is important to have a support group, to not do this alone. I'm not sure I want tell people, certainly not ask them for help, but I know she's right. But how do I burden people with this?

Later we meet KC my genetics counselor. She explains how we're all mutants (not her exact words) but some of our mutations are a bit more dangerous than others. It's a pretty easy process to swish some Scope and spit. Now we just wait to hear if it's all in the genes. Part of me hopes so, even though that means my chances of recurrence are higher, at least then I would have a reason. I mean there has to be some logical reason why. It can't really just be random chance. There has to be something I did or didn't do, something I can control to ensure I never have to deal with this again. It can't possible just be so random can it? 

The phone calls start when we get home. My boss had already called to check in on me, so one down, but many more to go. I think Dad has a harder time talking to people than I do. I'm still on auto-pilot. Yup, breast cancer, yup, I'm going to fight it, and yes, pray for me.