Ah Vanity

I am a week out from the latest surgery. While not as difficult as the first surgery I feel I have lost all the gains I had made. Not sleeping well still. My back still bothers me from the shingles and the hot flashes are very well timed to occur every 1-2 hours so I wake up either hot or freezing and have to adjust the cover situation.  Makes for a less than restful night and the brain is definitely on the fuzzy side.

They seem to have given me a surgical bra one size too small and the foobs are none too happy with it. Luckily I still have the old bra from the last surgery.  I wonder how long after surgery before you could decide the nipples are going to stay in place not be going rolling down the hall. Every time I pull off all my layers in order to take a shower there is always a slight moment of anxiety as I check to make sure they're still where they are supposed to be. Ah vanity, the things we do in your name. Is it wrong to want to keep the nipples actually attached to the breasts? I wonder why our body image makes up so much of who we are, or at least who we think we are. I sometimes wonder how I would handle not having breasts at all. However the idea of not having reconstruction never was a serious one for me. Some day I will wake up feeling normal and hopefully I will feel it was all worth it.

Work on the dissertation continues, and I am actually making progress. Will be sending out a couple of chapters to have some cohort members review. Still not looking forward to having to travel, but that is still weeks away, so no sense worrying about that yet. There are plenty of other things to worry about between now and then. Or perhaps denial will be the way to go. A nice leisurely trip to Egypt may be on the horizon.

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept." - Bill Watterson

or  maybe

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" - Adam Savage quoting Dr Who