I Think I've Bought My Dr A Porsche

Yup, yet another doctor visit. Back to the oncologist. Dr B did bring up the fact that he would have recommended radiation if we hadn't already started the reconstruction. At this point radiation would irreparably damage the new foob.  That's what happens when you don't get the pathology report until after your breasts are in place I guess. On one level I wonder what risk I'm running not having radiation, but on the other hand I am relieved I don't have to deal with it.

I did get my prescription for Tamoxifen today. I will be on this maintenance drug for the next 10 years; unless my liver decides otherwise. The side-effects of this drug are mostly just annoying: including irritability, hot-flashes, water retention, and heavy bleeding. There are some serious ones of course such as blood clots and reduced liver function. Well I guess I shouldn't hold my breathe to get rid of the hot-flashes and swollen ankles any time soon. I have to be more vigilant about getting up and moving around on a regular basis while at work.  My blood counts and iron are still low, so still need to be careful about being around people who are sick. I mention that my back hurts more than normal. It has made sleeping difficult, in the bed or in the chair it feels like pressure from lying on something, and even sitting in the chair can be uncomfortable.  Dr B thinks its just a residual side-effect. Maybe if I start moving around more it will go away.

The hair and even my eyebrows are starting to come back. I still wear a scarf when I go out as it's borderline Chia pet still, but the leg hair has come back with a vengeance. The eyebrows seems to be growing from the outside in as they are still sparse in the middle. Oh well it's a look. At least my eyes aren't watering like crazy and I can actually start wearing my contacts for short periods of time. I guess you can't have one without the other. I think the hair is a bit darker than before but it's a little too short to tell yet. One more surprise that will unveil itself in due time.

Not sure how long it will take before these new breasts of mine actually start to feel like a part of my body. Sometime I just want to cry when I look at my scarred and patched body in the mirror. It feels and looks foreign and I almost have to force myself to touch my breasts to wash and massage them. It's almost an out-of-body experience when someone else touches them, just disconnected and not quite normal. I am sure this too shall pass, either they will start feeling more like a part of my body or I will simply get used to the new body parts.     

"He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything." — Thomas Carlyle