While I am glad to be home there are certain maintenance issues that are a real pain. Poor Mom and Dad, being caretakers is a rough job. I wish I could tell them, if you do X everything will be all better, but that doesn't exist. We all just have to ride out the storm together. But having them with me makes it bearable, I can't imagine doing this alone. There are four "grenades" or drains attached to my body which have to be dumped and measured three times a day. They can't come out until there is less that 30 cc a day. These make it really interesting to dress, walk, pee, shower, sleep, you name it. I've been wearing Mom's housecoat and hospital gowns as these completely cover the grenades and the lines, but have to actually get some clothes on to go see the doctor. I feel like my grenades are exposed and worry I will catch one on something. Oh well, it's not like I'm moving quickly these days, so hopefully there will be no trauma.
Dr R said I am officially NED - no evidence of disease. Wow, cancer free. Wish I could dance for joy, but I have to be content with a mental happy dance, "I'm walking on sunshine ...". So even though there was signs of cancer in my sentinel lymph-node and still cancer in my breast after chemo, he feels that they got it all. I am a little surprised no one mentions doing radiation as the chemo wasn't completely successful, but then the only reason we even know that is because I did chemo first. If I had done the mastectomy first we wouldn't even know, so I guess it's good I did chemo first, but not sure it matters in the long run.
My left breast and arm are sore and tender and I have limited mobility in my left arm. Dr says that should come back, but some never get to 100%. I'm wondering if I'll ever do yoga again, and have to be at peace with the idea that I may never be at the same level I once was. I cannot compare before and after, just be comfortable with the here and now. Yah, this will be a process.
Of course on top of all this the government has shut down as of the 1st, so I am officially without a paycheck. No stress there. Our good old Texas senator decided to make a point by playing games with people's lives. I should send all my medial bills to him, not to mention the mortgage payment. I was supposed to move from an Army employee to an Air Force employee on the 6th, I have a feeling that won't be happening. Oh well, I'll take some pain meds and go back to reading a good book. I'm getting quite a bit of reading done, none of it academic, and that's alright.
"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass." — Ann Landers
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