Today was the first deadline for submitting a draft of the finished dissertation. I didn't make it. I tried. I had convinced myself that I would get this done while I was convalescing, I mean what else would there be to do? I did several hours of work earlier this week, but I was absolutely exhausted the next day. I am afraid the brain isn't too functional anyway, I read what I had written and well, it was awful. Guess being tired and drugged is not the way to write the results section of a dissertation.
Had to call my adviser and let him know I just couldn't make it. Not sure I would be up to traveling to Gainesville for the defense or graduation ceremony anyway, and I really want to walk. We won't even talk about the lack of leave. I'm sad I won't be graduating with some of my friends who finished this semester, but I think I was just pushing the body and the mind a little too far too fast. I just have to keep telling myself it's ok, I didn't fail, it's just postponed, it's a forgivable failing. I just hope I can find the motivation to finish. It's so easy to just say I quit, haven't I done enough?
"There’s always failure. And there’s always disappointment. And there’s always loss. But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums." ― Michael J. Fox
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