Once Upon A Time

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' - Eleanor Roosevelt

Anniversaries are funny things. They are ways to celebrate joyous moments, but they are also there to remind you of those things that changed your life, and not always for the better. One year ago I got my first mammogram, and was convinced there was nothing really wrong. The little voice in my head started whimpering when they wanted to do an ultrasound, but it didn't start screaming until the radiologist wanted to see me. That seems so long ago now, and yet it has also been the shortest of years. Life now is broken into BBC and ABC. No, not British Broadcasting and American Broadcasting, but Before Breast Cancer and After Breast Cancer. Or maybe it should be BF and AF, Before Foobs and After Foobs.

Don't wish me happiness - I don't expect to be happy it's gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor - I will need them all. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

So very true, survival is more than just putting one foot in front of the other, it's laughing when you trip over your own feet. Laughter and friendship make even the worst days possible to deal with.  It is said you never know how strong you are until you are tested, and this year has been more of a test than I ever wanted. Yet as I look towards the end of this journey, and at the end of my life as a doctoral student, I wonder what am I going to do with all this extra time and energy?

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus

I have been so blessed with the team I have had throughout this journey: friends, family, and medical.  I hope that some day I can pay it forward.  To face adversary and survive is wonderful, but to use this journey to help others I think is the next part of the journey.